Changes

I'm trying to figure out what HASN'T changed in the last 180 days. My job, my boss, my mom's health, my tax filing status, my everything, me. It's been a headspinning good time, if you like being in a fun house where something new jumps out every minute. Me, not so much. There was a time in my life where I liked drama, craved it even, but that's gone. No more - when does simplicity return?

I'll start with work. I was out on maternity leave for 8 short weeks. During that time, my boss resigned, my account went into review and suddenly my job was totally different. I returned part-time, for 10 weeks and found that I didn't have a lot to keep busy. Not busy, my mind wandered...mostly to my little guy in day care. I wonder if I would feel the same discontent if everything had remained status quo, busy. Would I still want to be home with Nick? Maybe...but I think working would be less of a drag were I busy all the time. The account review and subsequent loss necessitated a job search - which further confuses my goals. I am pulled toward home, where I might be happy - meanwhile, I'm not very passionate about the job search.

I also find I'm defined by work. When Garcon was 5 weeks old, I joined a new moms group through the hospital. It was an out of body experience to attend child-centered social events. We had nothing in common (at least initially) except our status as mothers. Over time, I found that excluding a few outliers, we all were about the same: married suburbanites, roughly the sames socioeconomic level, all with an excess of accessories. We all liked free formula.Three of us had identical strollers. It was a little bizarre to meet others who were sharing what I thought was a singular experience. I returned to work shortly thereafter; I've kept in touch with a couple of the mothers. But I was a "working mother" which made me different (or so I think).

Maybe we're not all that different. We're all trying to make it go.

Being defined by work is problematic if my work changes or goes away.