Thinking about self-medicating

I really think Dooce (Heather B. Armstrong) nailed it last week when she blogged about Britney’s recent troubles and how her own postpartum depression gave her insight to Britney.

It’s becoming clear in Britney’s erratic behavior that she was self-medicating for something…perhaps postpartum depression, perhaps her career or the end of a marriage.

Craig Ferguson also monologued about this - his comments are very sweet, and very funny:



I’ve had my own flirtations with depression, and it’s not pretty. When I was first out of college, I was *lucky* enough to land a high-paying job with a big consulting firm. Typical weeknight activities for most of our project team included drinking, eating and drinking more. We’d go out every night and drink, and drink some more. We had a lot of laughs, but it wasn’t pretty. Most of us were single, making more money than we could spend, and half the team was from out of town, living on expenses.

Occasionally, my girlfriends and I’d go back to my college town and hang out with a friend that still lived there, post-college. Of course, we’d drink - and a few times I got so drunk I wouldn’t remember my behavior the next morning. Such as getting into a shouting match with a stranger - or stealing something from the bar we’d partied at (pint glasses, at minimum).

I didn’t know it at the time, but I was self medicating. Because I was depressed, hated my job, hated programming, hated most of my co-workers who were even more ass-kissy than me, hated being a computer programmer in a nasty loading doc-cum-project headquarters. All of us hated it, though some stayed on. I saw older friends (at that point, older meant 28!) who had jobs they hated and mortgages that kept them from quitting. It sucked, big time. I rolled off the project at the first opportunity, and sat on the bench for a while - working on CBTs until I would be called up again. I called a favorite advertising professor and told her I didn’t really like doing what I was doing. She knew that, she said - she knew I wouldn’t like that but knew I had to find that out on my own. She offered to connect me with a few advertising agencies in St. Louis. And a couple weeks later, I was laid off from my shiny programming job. Happily, less than a week later, I signed with an ad agency on Sept. 10. It was the first offer I got - at more than 40% pay cut. But I took it, because it was an opportunity and I had a mortgage. And the next day the World Trade Center came down.

More on this later.

Wheel of Lunch

Seriously, though -- this website is way too much fun.

 

http://www.coverpop.com/wheeloflunch/  

 

 

 

Camus & Campbell

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me lay an invincible summer.

-- Albert Camus

 

It is always darkest before the dawn.

-- Joseph Campbell

Over 96 solo hours with baby

Well, to be more accurate, I only had 48 solo hours - the weekend - without my partner in crime, DH. *Sidenote - DH needs a new nickname, of which I am brainstorming. Today, we’ll call him SkiBuddy, because he was away skiing, you guessed it, with his buddies.*

 

So, SkiBuddy left on Thursday night for his long-planned, and much-deserved weekend away with his high school friends. They’ve gone on this annual retreat to Colorado for two years, and I hope it continues into the future. Lord knows that SkiBuddy doesn’t give himself a break unless his arm is twisted. Even on supposed relaxing weekends at his parents’ home, he can’t relax poolside until he’s dug a hole or planted a tree or something. I am not making this up. It must be the German guilt complex - if you are not working, providing or producing, you die! I always feel a little bad for him - as I sip my Mai Tai and jump into the cool water. More often than not, however, I get caught up in the flurry of activity and keep working, not relaxing, too.

 

As a result of aforementioned ski travel, Garcon and I were left to fend for ourselves, with our trusty hound, Bruno. And it was a truly wonderful weekend. I felt really productive, for the first time in a while. Tasks achieved:

 

- Picked up new laptop for worry-free employment pursuit

- Installed three sets of plantation-style blinds

- Enjoyed dinner out (Fri) and dinner in (Sat) with Honig and her DH

- Attended two Super Bowl parties

- At one of aforementioned SB parties, provided grandchild fix to parents

- Grocery shopped enroute from SB party #1 and SB party #1 - Note to self: consider skipping SB parties in order to shop at this time next year - there wasn’t a soul in the store

- Installed carbon monoxide/fire alarm

- Had house professionally cleaned (kitchen and baths), vacuumed and dusted all living spaces

- Washed/folded eight loads of laundry during professional cleaning

- Rearranged living room furniture

 

Aside from the fact that I’m proud I checked off a number of things on my list, I can’t help wondering if SkiBuddy’s absence made me feel more productive. Sure, I’m proud of the way the house looks. I’m excited for him to see how it looks when he returns this evening. And sure, I’m a little defensive about his comments that I leave a path of destruction (read: clutter) every where I go. So I’m looking forward to proving him wrong - to proving that things don’t fall to pieces when he leaves, and that I am indeed capable of keeping a clean house. I noticed I was also a little less anxious while he was gone. I think that’s due in part to the fact that I had no one to obsess to - that my primary task was to keep Garcon happy, clean and out of trouble. Without SkiBuddy to rely on for help, I rose to the occasion.