Out to lunch

I'm always amazed at how out of touch my mother is with my reality.
Truly, it's staggering.

She stayed home until I was three, and then went back to work on a
part-time basis. When I was twelve, she started a full-time job. The
net result is that she never worked FT while her children were small.
She has literally no idea what it's like to put in a 9 hour day at the
office, and then come home, try to switch gears and work to get things in
order at night. Feed baby immediately, then straight into bath,
bedtime routine and then have downtime at 8pm. Then start laundry, or
worse, go back to work on unfinished office projects.

I just spoke with her, and she asked if I'd [be dropping everything
to] come over to my grandma's tonight, for dinner with a visiting
aunt. She seemed surprised when I said I didn't know; it's really
short notice. The truth is, I'd have to go home, get snacks, drinks,
pajamas, load up baby and husband, and drive over to Grandma's. She
lives 30 minutes away, and I don't get home until 6:15, so it's
unlikely that we'd get there before 6:45 at the earliest. We'd have to
eat immediately (will there be something kid-friendly?), and then
leave immediately if baby's going to get to bed by 7:30. It's
stressful, and doesn't leave a lot of time to actually visit with the
visiting aunt.

She noticed a tone in my voice (shocker), and asked how the week was going.

"It's a grind," I replied.

"Why, what's going on? Is everyone ok?" she asked.

"Mom, every week is a grind."

It never occurs to her.

Confession: i envy stay-at-home moms. It's true. I want their life. I
want to be relaxed enough to have a house in order, and start dinner
at a reasonable hour. I want to wake up thinking about what' I'll do
that day with my family, instead of panicking about the massive office
workload hanging over my head. It's my first thought, every day. I
wake up most days (even Sat/Sun sometimes) worried about work.

However, I don't know if I could do it. I deeply love my son, but
would I miss the pace of my worklife, the adult interaction? Also, I
enjoy our comfortable financial situation. We can always have a little
more at the end of the month, but now for the most part we are able to
save to 401ks, buy what we need and occasionally splurge. My missing
salary would add a considerable amount of financial stress to our
situation and the truth is, I obsess about money. And honestly,
working is easier than being at home. I realized that when I went back
to work. It was infinitely easier to be at the office in the comfy
deskchair (even tired and postpartum) than to be at home, caring for a
baby, cooking, doing laundry (and tired/postpartum).

Still, I daydream about having the time to build relationships and
take better, more thoughtful care of my family and my home. To be
there when my son's bus arrives (ok, in three years). To help take
grandparents to the doctor. I wish there was a happy medium...

Malaise

I'm kinda feeling like the grind is wearing me down. An eager 25 year old bounced into my office this morning to see if I had any ideas as to how to get the creative team more enthusiastic about a logo design. And you know what? There's really nothing we can do to get a team more excited about it, to get them to think that this is any more exciting than the other work that they're doing currently. To them, it's probably going to be just another assignment and I don't think she expected to hear that from me. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I just wasn't feeling the RAH-RAH enthusiasm coursing through my veins.

Sigh...life's not terrible, I have a lot to be thankful for, great family, I work about 15 minutes from home in a city legendary for its commutes - and yet I can't shake this pissed/weary feeling I've had off & on lately.

She had. To vent.

I'm responding to C's post http://bokumbop.blogspot.com/2007/08/i-have-to-vent.html about her SAHM friend who's really just doing the SAH part. It's hard to understand.

I'm with you C, I feel the heat of my envy when I encounter situations like this. I typically feel that way on bad days at the office - and less so on good days. If I don't have to work late and can pick up Garcon on time, I feel capable, successful at both, much better about working. If I'm stressed or late to pick up, everything about working is bad, evil, unfair. But that's just me - I'm pretty love-hate about work. I typically feel that way after a day with inconsiderate clients, impossible deadlines, snippy comments, whatever, but always on the days where I've done it to myself - I've given more to work and less to me/mine, and am picking up Garcon at 5:59 (last possible minute) instead of 5:14 (my preference). I'm trying really hard to manage my own tension about work/life imbalance by setting those limits of just saying no. And just leaving at 5pm.

On any day, I worry about child development or attachment to me...but sometimes, secretly, I feel good about going to the office. Like it's a little bit easier being away. And I do enjoy earning money because I am good at my job and take satisfaction about my income contribution and not having to pinch pennies.

This comment, I'm realizing, is more about my own rationalization of working - that it's ok if a, b, or c happen. If the worst-case day (d) happens, then the evening goes south in a big way. I pick a fight with B, about money, happiness, child development, etc.

But back to your post, C. I know people like her, and they chose that lifestyle for a reason. And I chose mine, and I gravitate more and more to women who work great jobs and get the working lifestyle. They're more like me, and frankly, easier to relate to. I have no idea what to say to someone like that, honestly. FULL TIME care? I'm surprised the husband went for that.

Who knows - maybe she'll be less relevant to her husband the longer she stays home alone. It all sounds very boring. Even as I daydream about being home with Garcon, going to the pool, whatever, I wonder if I could do it full time. I think I just need people around me too much. Garcon is great company, and I can't love on him and squeeze him enough. But until he starts talking, hanging with Garcon + another mom/kid pair sounds like much more fun.

As far as I'm concerned, you can vent here however you damn well please. :D

This is the momosphere. I have to be diplomatic all day to clients. If we couldn't vent and be judgmental here, where would we?