Truly, it's staggering.
She stayed home until I was three, and then went back to work on a
part-time basis. When I was twelve, she started a full-time job. The
net result is that she never worked FT while her children were small.
She has literally no idea what it's like to put in a 9 hour day at the
office, and then come home, try to switch gears and work to get things in
order at night. Feed baby immediately, then straight into bath,
bedtime routine and then have downtime at 8pm. Then start laundry, or
worse, go back to work on unfinished office projects.
I just spoke with her, and she asked if I'd [be dropping everything
to] come over to my grandma's tonight, for dinner with a visiting
aunt. She seemed surprised when I said I didn't know; it's really
short notice. The truth is, I'd have to go home, get snacks, drinks,
pajamas, load up baby and husband, and drive over to Grandma's. She
lives 30 minutes away, and I don't get home until 6:15, so it's
unlikely that we'd get there before 6:45 at the earliest. We'd have to
eat immediately (will there be something kid-friendly?), and then
leave immediately if baby's going to get to bed by 7:30. It's
stressful, and doesn't leave a lot of time to actually visit with the
visiting aunt.
She noticed a tone in my voice (shocker), and asked how the week was going.
"It's a grind," I replied.
"Why, what's going on? Is everyone ok?" she asked.
"Mom, every week is a grind."
It never occurs to her.
Confession: i envy stay-at-home moms. It's true. I want their life. I
want to be relaxed enough to have a house in order, and start dinner
at a reasonable hour. I want to wake up thinking about what' I'll do
that day with my family, instead of panicking about the massive office
workload hanging over my head. It's my first thought, every day. I
wake up most days (even Sat/Sun sometimes) worried about work.
However, I don't know if I could do it. I deeply love my son, but
would I miss the pace of my worklife, the adult interaction? Also, I
enjoy our comfortable financial situation. We can always have a little
more at the end of the month, but now for the most part we are able to
save to 401ks, buy what we need and occasionally splurge. My missing
salary would add a considerable amount of financial stress to our
situation and the truth is, I obsess about money. And honestly,
working is easier than being at home. I realized that when I went back
to work. It was infinitely easier to be at the office in the comfy
deskchair (even tired and postpartum) than to be at home, caring for a
baby, cooking, doing laundry (and tired/postpartum).
Still, I daydream about having the time to build relationships and
take better, more thoughtful care of my family and my home. To be
there when my son's bus arrives (ok, in three years). To help take
grandparents to the doctor. I wish there was a happy medium...
