At school, there were only one or two babies dressed in costume. I guess the rest of the working moms felt the same way. I remarked to Ms. N, the teacher, that I thought it would be more convenient for their diaper changing if I didn't dress Garcon in costume. Which was a total lie to make me feel better. Though seeing only 2 of 6 kids in costime made me feel much better.
On reflection, I am really trying to keep my own feelings and shyness from limiting Garcon's options and outlook. I think I've already made mistakes, though. I skipped the office Halloween party (previously mentioned here) because I didn't think I'd get a lot out of it - but maybe it's not about me. Maybe he would have enjoyed it. Maybe I just didn't want to drive. At least I can be sure that he'll get more out of it next year as an 19-mo old.
Tonight, I'm planning to head out early to get home and ready for the neighborhood trick-or-treaters. I'll pick up Garcon, put him into that little devil outfit, grab my angel wings, and be ready to go. Hopefully the kids will still be around by 5:30. Last year, at 6:15, everyone was pretty well done.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Adequate
I've thought about being a good mom, a cool mom, a smart mom, a sharp mom. . .and most of the time, I feel good about what I do. Today is Halloween, and for the last few weeks I've planned to dress up Garcon and send him to day care with his little devil outfit. It's not an overly done costume, but instead fits like a little sleeper and has a horned hood and little tail. The feet are not cloven - that would probably be one too many evil touches for a baby's outfit.
As I drove to day care today, I realized that Garcon was wearing everyday clothes. I completely forgot about my dress-up plan for him. When DH changed him out of his sleeper and into dry diaper and clothes, it didn't occur to me that I'd considered the devil outfit, even though we'd already remarked about the trick-or-treaters coming this evening, and so forth.
Driving to day care, I felt bad. I felt like the kid whose mom didn't get it. The kid of the working mom who was too busy to think about those things. It was a familiar feeling. And I still hate it.
As I drove to day care today, I realized that Garcon was wearing everyday clothes. I completely forgot about my dress-up plan for him. When DH changed him out of his sleeper and into dry diaper and clothes, it didn't occur to me that I'd considered the devil outfit, even though we'd already remarked about the trick-or-treaters coming this evening, and so forth.
Driving to day care, I felt bad. I felt like the kid whose mom didn't get it. The kid of the working mom who was too busy to think about those things. It was a familiar feeling. And I still hate it.
Monday, October 30, 2006
All Hallow's Eve...general musings
Tomorrow is Halloween, and Garcon's first opportunity to wear a costume. Since he's just seven months, and we don't have a specific event to go to, I'm not too concerned about his costume. I do have a little devil outfit/sleeper that will work fine for the trick-or-treaters that come to the door. I'm a little apologetic about it, because it's not an adorable pumpkin or bumblebee outfit. It's a little devil which has a bit of a negative connotation to it. It will be fine for my purposes, though. But many other mom friends have gotten excited about the whole event. I actually had someone ask me back in August what Garcon would be wearing this Halloween. Wow...now that's anticipation.
* * * * *
I have a friend who is quite into her faith, and doesn't permit her four children to participate in Halloween or dress up. Their children trick-or-treat by handing out prayer cards door to door. I can't recall if they actually collect candy. Anyway, over the weekend, said friend asked me what Garcon would be wearing for Halloween. I confess, I couldn't quite tell my Christian, non-Halloween-observing friend that my little son would be a devil. It just didn't feel right. So I fibbed, and told her I didn't have a costume. Now what will I tell her when her kids come to the door? Hmm...
* * * * *
Our office observes Halloween by allowing kids to come in for a party. The kids go office to office in costume and collect candy. I've been here three years, and never was present for the party - always had travel or some other event going on. And to be honest, I wasn't that interested in other people's children.
This year, I was on the road for meetings a few days before the party. My first day back in town was the day of the party and I opted to work from home. I kept Garcon home from daycare and skipped the party. On the one hand, I didn't want to drive in Friday rush hour traffic to the office for a party that Garcon really can't enjoy - he'd simply sit there or try to eat the decorations. But on the other hand, I'm somewhat uncomfortable with the joining of work and home. I brought Garcon in twice as an infant - both times to meet friends for lunch. And each time, I had a hard time separating the Mommy role from colleague. They just didn't jive for me at the time. I actually caught myself talking in Mommy to a co-worker because I was holding Garcon. Plus, I felt like I was showing off my son: "Look, I have offspring!" After the second child-visit to the office, I decided I wouldn't trot him out for others to see. I don't really need their approval to feel good about being a mom.
Despite all that, I guess I'll plan to participate in next year's event. He'll be 18 months and old enough to enjoy walking around. I might even get over the traffic.
* * * * *
I have a friend who is quite into her faith, and doesn't permit her four children to participate in Halloween or dress up. Their children trick-or-treat by handing out prayer cards door to door. I can't recall if they actually collect candy. Anyway, over the weekend, said friend asked me what Garcon would be wearing for Halloween. I confess, I couldn't quite tell my Christian, non-Halloween-observing friend that my little son would be a devil. It just didn't feel right. So I fibbed, and told her I didn't have a costume. Now what will I tell her when her kids come to the door? Hmm...
* * * * *
Our office observes Halloween by allowing kids to come in for a party. The kids go office to office in costume and collect candy. I've been here three years, and never was present for the party - always had travel or some other event going on. And to be honest, I wasn't that interested in other people's children.
This year, I was on the road for meetings a few days before the party. My first day back in town was the day of the party and I opted to work from home. I kept Garcon home from daycare and skipped the party. On the one hand, I didn't want to drive in Friday rush hour traffic to the office for a party that Garcon really can't enjoy - he'd simply sit there or try to eat the decorations. But on the other hand, I'm somewhat uncomfortable with the joining of work and home. I brought Garcon in twice as an infant - both times to meet friends for lunch. And each time, I had a hard time separating the Mommy role from colleague. They just didn't jive for me at the time. I actually caught myself talking in Mommy to a co-worker because I was holding Garcon. Plus, I felt like I was showing off my son: "Look, I have offspring!" After the second child-visit to the office, I decided I wouldn't trot him out for others to see. I don't really need their approval to feel good about being a mom.
Despite all that, I guess I'll plan to participate in next year's event. He'll be 18 months and old enough to enjoy walking around. I might even get over the traffic.
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